Lucifer, New New Mexico

I was just watching my 19-disc Married... With Children complete series on DVD this morning and noticed an episode called "Route 666." It was a two-parter, and inspired this here bonus content for Gamma Turquoise: Santa Fe Starport.

It's not on any map, but somewhere in the post-apocalyptic southwest there's an itsy-bitsy township baking in the scorching rays of a bloated yellow-orange sun. The place is known as Lucifer, and it might be an intriguing pit-stop on the way to bigger and better things... or it could be the last stop for curious and unlucky adventurers.

Roll on the following table every few minutes to see what the PCs encounter next...

What the Hell's in Lucifer, New New Mexico?

1. Skeleton slumped over a water-pump that only dispenses the salty thirst mutilator Brawndo (it's got electrolytes).
2. Rattlesnake replicant.
3. Distraught shoe salesman.
4. Fiesty redhead mutant lady who's part leopard.
5. Sexy blonde bimbo dancing for worthless paper money.
6. Young man who'll do anything to see a set of hooters.
7. 2d4 toothless prospectors all named Zeke.
8. Miner willing to trade his [gold mine] claim for passage off this godforsaken rock.
9. Pop machine dispensing bottles of Coke for one credit, but you'll have to ask Zeke for his bottle opener - only 5 credits per minute rental fee.
10. Con man in Hawaiian shirt with mutant chicken-lady companion. He's been trying to buy the miner's claim all day, but doesn't have access to a starship.
11. Tumbleweeds gather, ominously rolling in the hot desert wind. Are they getting ready to attack?
12. Roll twice!

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Nearby the township is Lucifer's Gold Mine. Weird scenes inside the gold mine vomit forth soon after PCs start mining for gold... naked pretzels untwisting themselves inside the universal fetus as magenta tentacles undulate to the cosmic orgasm-shudder of Yog Soggoth.

There's a 1 in 6 chance that a nugget of gold can be found per hour of prospecting (depending on size, worth approximately 1d4 credits). But there's also a 2 in 6 chance per hour, per prospector of developing "gold fever" - the insatiable lust for gold!

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Authored by Venger Satanis
https://vengersatanis.blogspot.com/

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Readers' Rating: 

4