Cheeto Fingers

I crowd-sourced the definition of "cheeto fingers" for the Alpha Blue RPG. Of those who came up with something, Glynn Seal won the right to codify an element of this sleazy universe. Good job, hoss!

Why "cheeto fingers" in the first place? Well, renowned old school curmudgeon and right-wing gamer, the RPGpundit, frequently looks down upon my seedy space opera while rhetorically asking who in their right mind would enjoy playing a game where some fat, sweaty slob with cheeto fingers describes how he's going to desecrate one or more females?

Never mind the fact that in my 30+ years of gaming I can't even remember playing alongside a "fat, sweaty slob with cheeto fingers," it's an unfair and disparaging stereotype. Being comfortable with sex in gaming is a pre-requisite; if you're ok talking about or listening to sexual content, there's no issue. Obviously, Alpha Blue isn't for everyone. Generally speaking, most gamers are willing to give the game a try before denigrating it.

So, that's where "cheeto fingers" came from. And without further ado...

Cheeto Fingers

"Go shove your fingers in all five nasty orange holes of a Cheetosian slut-bot!" - Common insult in the old violet sector.

A slut-bot is a sex robot found throughout the seven galaxies. The Cheetosians -- known for their depravity and masochism -- decided to modify the code and engineer some additions to the standard model. Five slut-bot orifices coated in sticky orange dust-flakes, a vicious narcotic and poisonous for those with weaker immune systems.

Having sex with, or inserting any body part into a Cheetosian slut-bot orifice invites a tasty sex-trip of such magnitude that death could be one's Final Orgasm (2 in 6 chance).

Bounty hunters in the Cheetosian sector often gamble in high stakes Q'uay-Q'uar games with the loser having to take the "Cheeto Fingers forfeit," occasionally referred to as the "Nasty Orange Challenge." Basically, they have to insert each of their five fingers (or some part of their genitalia) into all five holes of a Cheetosian slut-bot.

Those who survive are permanently left with a cheese-flavored orange dust stuck to their fingers, hence the term "cheeto fingers."


Authored by Glynn Seal and Venger Satanis


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